First-time dad tips—how to be a hands-on dad

• Prepare yourself as a new father

Read up on what to expect and show your partner you’re taking a keen interest. Take pregnancy classes together—as well as all the practical advice, you’ll get a new-found appreciation of what your partner’s body is about to go through, discover how dads can help during labour and you may find it helps with father-bonding with your child during pregnancy. Taking classes with other parents-to-be is a great way to find your new support network too. You’ll be grateful for those 2am WhatsApp chats to get you through the night and might even make friends for life!

• Wondering how dads can help with small children?

Hopefully you learned in your pregnancy classes how to change a diaper, bathe a little child and deal with a crying child? So play an active role right from the beginning and put your child-care skills into action. Offer to take the night shift to give your partner a break.

• Learn your child’s cues

Look out for early signs of child hunger cues and child tired cues so you can jump in before the dreaded crying starts. Become a master at reading child cues and you’ll be forever in the good books.

• Get lots of skin-to-skin contact with dad and child

Placing your naked child (apart from diaper) on your bare chest (inside your shirt if it’s cold) brings so many benefits—from regulating your little one’s heart rate and temperature, to relaxing them and helping you to bond. A great time for dad skin-to-skin contact is after you’ve given your child a bath, first thing in the morning when you can scoop them into bed with you. You’ll no doubt enjoy the father-child bonding as much as they do.

• Talking to your little one

Every word your child hears helps to develop her language skills and strengthen your relationship with her. So as well reading to your child, give her a running commentary of what you’re doing, no matter how mundane the task might be as well as whispering sweet nothings and telling her how much you love her of course.

• Offer support to your spouse

You may not have breasts, but there are many examples of dads supporting nursing that you can follow. Whether it’s making her comfortable with pillows and back rubs, bringing her a glass of water without her needing to ask (moms can get very thirsty during lactation), or simply listening if she’s struggling. Find out about lactating support services if your partner needs help.

• Take care of your relationship after your child has come along

Having a child is a life-changing experience—and it may not turn out to be the romantic picture of parenthood you had in mind—so it’s more important than ever to be open and honest with each other about how you’re feeling and any strains it’s putting on the relationship. Yes, there may be a new VIP in town, but show your partner how in awe of her you are. Pamper her (think post-pregnancy massage), give her a break, talk and listen—these can all help to alleviate new parents’ relationship problems. And if you and mom are feeling like you need more time adjusting to life as the three of you, take control of the child visitor situation and just say no (politely) to guests, so she doesn’t have to. Read our checklist on how to handle visitors after giving birth for more tips.

• Self-care for dads

Yes, self-care for dads is really a thing! It’s vitally important that you take good care of yourself, so you can take better care of your family. So try to get some regular exercise—pushing the buggy up hills provides a pretty good workout—sleep when you can, and make sure you have family and friends you can share the highs and lows of parenting with. It helps to unload and they might even have their own first-time dad tips to offer. Don’t forget to make sure your partner gets some self-care time too!

• Sharing household duties

It might sound obvious but pulling your weight around the home is more important now than ever. In the first few weeks after the birth, you’ll need to take on the bulk of the household chores. Here’s some invaluable advice for new dads, rather than even asking, “What shall we have for dinner tonight?”, take the required brainpower out of the equation and surprise your partner with one of her favorite meals instead. She may feel too exhausted to even think after nurturing your little one, so she’ll need plenty of sustenance to keep her going. Then as you get into the rhythm of things, have a chat about how you’re splitting parenting responsibilities and sharing household duties so you’re clear on who’s doing what.

• Take lots of photos!

Especially for first-time dads, the first weeks and months of parenthood may fly by in a blur, with your child changing every day. So make sure you’re always on hand to document it—taking pictures of not just your beautiful new bundle of joy, but of your partner holding her too. More often than not, she’ll have her hands full with the little one (while you might have your phone in your hands), so next time you spot a picture opportunity—and they happen every day at feeding time, story time, bath time—capture it. And no, this doesn’t have to be to styled and posed to post on social media, but just so you and your partner can look back in years to come and remember that time when you became parents.